Year of the Boar, Sixth Month, Day 23.

His lordship still refuses to see me, causing me to doubt his survival... perhaps it was all a ruse to make the visitor believe all was well within Silent Thunder... well it backfired in any case since I found myself making him my confidante... My heart lies as a stone within my breast... if only he would just see me; if only to bid me go away, I would sleep at night knowing he lived... I cannot bring myself to grieve for him, I do not wish to believe he is dead... daily, I find myself weeping as I go about the duties he assigned me when last I saw him... daily, I make tea just as he likes it just in case he wishes to drink and daily, I make the bath house ready for him, the water fragranced just as he likes and yet, he appears not... Where is he....? What drives him to hide himself away like this...? What can have happened...? I am forced to ask myself questions to which I may well not like the answer... Could it be, that Lord Kenta, in fact, was desirous of marrying Yuika... that he... loves her...? The thought of that pains me more than I care to admit... all of this I was willing to bear in the belief that he cared for me but was bound by custom and honour... but if it is not so... if he... loves...Yuika and it is her behaviour that has hurt him... I do believe I shall die. And not in a pretty way... I shall plunge a dagger into myself but I shall not disembowel myself... I shall slit my wrists and watch myself bleed, slowly and messily to death... Surely he cannot be in love with her...? But if he is not... I am back to pondering over what ails him...It occurs to me that I am no longer watched over... that no one seems to see me as in need of protection... that Lord Kenta seems to care not what happens to me presently... It has been a long time since I dressed in silk or rode my horse... so long in fact that I know not if I still can, or indeed, whether my horse will recognise me... but... if I were to go to Dying Crane... I could... I could find out for myself... could I not...? If I asked Yuika... if I got on my knees and begged her as a woman, not as a rival to tell me... surely even she, could not be so cruel as to deny me...? I will think on it... it is a long way to Dying Crane... I am sure it would not be advisable to go alone ... I have no ally to abet me... I shall think on it...