Year of the Boar, Fourth Month, Day 2.

It would be unfair to refer to the child - Tomoe, her name is - as useless, since she is of peasant stock and it is not her fault that she is uneducated in courtly ways but I feel as though a burden too great for me to shoulder has been placed upon me... she knows nothing, nay, less than nothing. She could not brew tea in the correct fashion but it was her lack of appreciation for why it must be prepared just so that I found distressing. If she is to learn to please Lord Kenta, she must work a great deal harder to polish her peasant ways, and ultimately, if she fails, so do I... I had not the time to teach her the way of the tea before his lordship required us to be at the Willow, so I prepared the tray myself and had her watch... I fairly ran to the practise ground, so terrified was I of displeasing his lordship, and the tray was heavy in my arms. Still weak from my illnesses, as I neared him, I became dizzy and swooned... Tomoe had the presence of mind to rescue the tray from crashing to the ground along with me as I pressed the back of my hand to my forehead in an attempt to stop the spinning in my head. And his lordship did see me and break into a run, as I fought to keep my eyes from closing, he all but shoved the child out of the way and grasped my hand, bringing it to his lips, he did murmur to the gods in supplication, asking them to hold me safe, and as the world turned black for me and I could see nothing, I did hear his voice break as he begged me to be well...and my heart has thawed enough to feel the dull pain of knowing that while he will whisper sweet nothings when he thinks I cannot hear, I will never again feel the blush of my cheeks as he tells me to my face that I am beautiful, or feel my heartbeat grow faster as he touches me in a loving embrace, or the heat of my loins as he engages me in the act of love... I am but property now and as a man bound by honour, he will not... cannot... treat me as anything other... I must just cling to the hope that Lord Kenta can find it within himself to treat me with at least a little more dignity in matters of his... pleasure... even if he cannot lie with me as he would with a wife....