Year of the Boar, Fifth Month, Day 22.

His lordship bade me restore his quarters to a clean state and prepare to serve him tea today... and while I worked, I listened to two of the kitchen slaves as they chattered and gossiped... Keeping my own council, I was able to learn a great deal and if my heart were not already shattered, it most certainly would be now... I have discovered the reason for Lord Kenta's absence and his whereabouts... granted it may just be unfounded gossip.... but they do say that there is no smoke without fire... I would shed more tears if I had the energy but I do not...
His Lordship has been at Dying Crane - apparently he has been seeking "alliance" ... he wishes to ally his House with hers... I cannot believe it... he actually seeks to ally Silent Thunder with Dying Crane... DYING CRANE!!! He has been looking to actually wed that harlot, Yuika.... To think that I admired him from afar for so long before I managed to attract his gaze, that I gave myself to none before him in the wish that we be together as soul mates.... as more then soul mates... I should never have hidden the truth... I should never have encouraged him to believe me an experienced lover... I should have made him understand my feelings for him better... perhaps then... perhaps then I would not be in this mess...
If he marries Yuika, I do believe that I will die... She has bedded most of the Men of the Ninth Kingdom and if rumour is to believed, a great many of the Women, too. I myself, refused her advance when I was not long the Ruling Lady of Silent Thunder, she terrified me, but I refused... and she has hated me ever since... She has always sought to further the interests of Dying Crane at any cost lower than all out War. She will RUIN him... Dying Crane is horribly run, Yuika is a spoilt, pampered despot who mistreats her peasants and her staff abominably... I cannot bear the thought, my ancestors must be turning in their graves. Even should I have the strength to end my life, they would not allow me into the world beyond, but leave me to wander as a demented soul, haunting the Kingdom for eternity... I am doomed, whatever I do now matters not...

How can he do this? I believed we were making amends... things had improved... I thought... I thought ... he still... loved me...