Year of the Boar, Second Month, Day 25.

Had I a jewel for every tear I have shed since yesterday, I should already have enough to buy an entire kingdom... I cannot stop, inconsolable, I am unable to control myself. My hands tremble so badly that several times I have sent my brush clattering to the ground and I have ruined several pages by smudging the ink into indecipherable stains. I have made numerous attempts to make this entry but even when I manage to control my brush, my tears spill onto my paper and turn my words into pale smears of ink... I must persevere, I must keep this book to serve as a warning to any that would be tempted to make my mistake. So little time has passed since I was enslaved, yet it feels as though months have gone by, as though I have already changed beyond recognition. I am afraid of what I shall become, afraid I shall lose my very self.I thought in my girlish naivete that Lord Kenta cared for me, even as he enslaved me, I believed he did it only for my own good, to teach me a valuable lesson in life... but even after so little time, I am becoming convinced that he had no feeling for me at all. Not even the slightest... Fresh tears spoil this page yet again as I reflect on what happened earlier. I do not want to write it down, to even think on it, but if I do not, then those who follow me, will not see the folly of what I did, and may yet suffer as I do. He was tired when he returned to the Tavern and bid me attend him, his needs were such that they are reserved for slaves and common whores. No Lady would ever be asked to perform such vulgarities... A week ago, I would have spat blood if a man had made even the barest hint of such a suggestion and walked away - severing our relationship. But last night, I did as he asked. Not only that but I did not complain or ask him to reconsider his request. I am disgusted at my own weakness, I am frightened by what I am becoming, where will this end? Weeping I serviced him, and he rewarded me by allowing me to lie with him through the night. I lay awake, afraid to move lest I disturb him and be made to do it again.. I cannot adequately articulate how foul a deed it was - if he bids me do it again, I do not see how I shall be able to ... He comes.... I must hide these pages away