Year of the Boar, Tenth Month, Day 25.

I do not know whether to feel cursed or blessed. Tomoe has returned and with her a midwife from one of the furthest villages to the West. The woman has examined me already and has expressed concern. She insists I am confined to bed for complete rest for the rest of my pregnancy. How can I possibly remain in bed until the child decides to enter the world...? If I do not, she says, the pregnancy will end early and with it, the child's life... So I find myself faced with an awful choice. I do not want the child... I cannot bear to have the child and yet how can I act in a way that will deliberately endanger him...?
I have spent much of the morning weeping. My eyelids are swollen as they have not been for some while...