Year of the Boar, Tenth Month, Day 15.

Now that I have let the monks know about my child, I have had no choice but to confide in Azusa and Tomoe. Of course, they had already surmised the truth but felt it proper to say nothing until I had decided it was time to speak... Tomoe is of the opinion that a village mid-wife will be more suitable than the House physician; she thinks he cannot be trusted after he did little to help those afflicted by White Lake's excesses. She may well have a point. I have little trust in most of highly ranked staff who remained here and did nothing at all to protect those beneath them. I can understand self-preservation to a degree but the entire episode has left me with little faith in humankind. I do wonder idly whether I should exile them so that they may consider the error of their ways on White Lake's lands... or perhaps... no matter... for now, I shall simply ensure that secrets remain known only to those who absolutely must know them.
My back aches as I sit here writing and other parts of me feel swollen and heavy; the child has been more restless than it was yesterday... I must find someone with knowledge of these matters soon lest I encounter problems later on... My condition seems to be making me susceptible to the bite of the mosquito which serves only to add to my discomfort; even the sticks fail to keep them away of late but I cannot go about my business shrouded in a net... perhaps there is some sort of unguent I could apply to my skin...
I made my presence known at the evening repast earlier and as usual, it felt awkward and unnatural, especially given my latest paranoia regarding the possibility of spies... I have not yet had the strength to investigate the possibility of collusion among my relatives and the other courtiers but the thought has crossed my mind on several occasions... Why else would most of them have survived the ... occupation... all but unscathed...? There is much that makes no sense but I must concentrate for now on my war effort...