Year of the Boar, Tenth Month, Day 23.

The weather has taken a definite turn towards cold. The sun rose early; a pale, silvery disk doing its best to break through the layer of grey cloud and failing miserably. An unrelenting drizzle began a stick or two after dawn and it shows no sign of ceasing. Even the birds seem to have retreated, leaving a day as dismal as my mood.
I am convinced that I will not carry this child to term; it continues to kick and fidget as if it is trying to escape the confines of my womb. As I tried to carry out House business this morning, I became increasingly uncomfortable and the awful thought that if the child did arrive early, it would likely not survive flitted across my mind and I was not unhappy about that. I feel guilty for harbouring such darkness but as I continue trying to repair the damage Kenta did, I find if difficult to bear the thought that I was ever so in love with him. I feel a great degree of shame at how my judgement was so impaired and my House was in such danger because of my infatuation. That the baby is male is a small compensation but it would be better if I were not carrying it at all. Still, as my mother was very fond of saying, I have made my bed and now I must lie in it. I put myself in this position and now I must repair the damage. 
Unfortunately, it has also occurred to me that if I foster the child outside the immediate confines of the House, Yuki and Shunya will likely come to hear of him and then they will take him and use him against Silent Thunder when he is of age. They may come to hear of his existence even if he remains here but I have a degree more control over that... One thing is clear; White Lake must be destroyed before the child is old enough to become its pawn.