Year of the Boar, Tenth Month, Day 7.
The Gods have surely spat upon The House of Silent Thunder. Will nothing I do bear fruit...? I believed I had conceived a plan which would protect my child yet when I did try to carry it out earlier today, it became apparent that I am doomed...
I had the mad, fanciful idea that I could find one of the women who serves my House and dress her as myself, train her in the bare minimum of etiquette so that she could pass herself off as me while I retired for my confinement. No one would ever have to know that I was with child. No one perhaps, except for Azusa and Tomoe and the woman herself... I shake with anger as I pen this. I am assailed by a fury so savage that it threatens to burn me alive from within. White hot rage seeps through my very bones and makes it difficult to see...
I called the entire staff into the banquet hall; told a story that I wanted to perform an audit. Of course, I was merely looking over the women to see if any were even the same build and height as I am. As I walked through the ranks of my serving staff, I noticed, peeking from the collar of one of the young girls who cleans the hearths, some sort of ... skin art. Outraged that one of my House would not only flout such a sacred taboo but seemingly flaunt it, I pushed her collar aside with the brush I carried for marking down names. My very blood ran cold in my veins when I saw the skin art for it was a curled golden carp... a carp... the signet of White Lake. It was not recently done for I could see where the ink seeped into her skin, the blue-green outline bleeding; a little blurry. The child (she could be little more) grabbed her collar, holding it close to her neck, sinking to the floor and touching her forehead to the matting. The very moment I opened my mouth to condemn her as a spy, she sobbed that she had been forced to bear the mark. I caught a ripple around the hall, in my periphery I could see one or two other women clutching their clothing in different places... The girl on the floor continued to cry and I ... could do nothing. Paralysed by the paranoid thoughts that threatened to overwhelm me, I simply gaped in silence until Azusa at my elbow murmured "My apologies, My Lady. We... had thought to spare you..." Spare me? Spare me what...? My thoughts were called to order.. "Spare me...?" I repeated her like one of those exotic birds one finds in the extreme North... Azusa cleared her throat "Spare you from the further ignominy of another slight by White Lake..." I was thankful, once again for the make-up I wore, that none of my staff would see the flush that coloured my cheeks.
"Which of you bears this mark...?" I choked out the words, unable to completely hide the emotion I felt; still feel... All but three of the female staff stepped forward, some of them raising hems, others sleeves, several pulled back their collars and one or two even pushing aside their gowns at the chest, all of them lowering their heads to hide cheeks flushed with what I took to be shame. I cannot articulate what I felt in that moment. I could not breathe and it was then that the shaking began. I managed to collect myself enough to announce that I would see each of them in my offices alone after the evening repast if they would line up... I shall have to apologise to each of them and attempt some sort of recompense. I cannot insult them with money but what else I can do I do not yet know. Once I was alone I said nothing to Azusa other than "Tell me."
Tell me she did and when she had finished informing me of the behaviour of White Lake's Guard, I simply screamed. I had nothing else. Tears I have cried too many, and they will not help me now. Some of the women had been branded at the whim of Lady Yuki, as she brands all of her staff, in obvious places so that they could not think of escape. Some had been punished by soldiers for refusing their attentions, marked in ... painful... personal places, yet others bore their brands as the result of some trifling misdemeanour which in Silent Thunder would merit the gentlest of reprimand...
Indeed as I write this, fury does not seem to come anywhere close to describing the extent of my feeling. How. Dare. They?! I allowed myself for the briefest of moments to wonder if Lord Kenta had been a party to this. If he had known what his mother and her staff had been doing. Tears came for a moment as I recalled his denials to me about my own imprisonment... had he been lying all that time...? I will not make this about myself... I must somehow make amends to the women on my staff... why they have even stayed, I cannot imagine. I can start by telling them all the truth. I owe them that. If I can regain their loyalty, perhaps my child will not be in so much danger. Perhaps...
I had the mad, fanciful idea that I could find one of the women who serves my House and dress her as myself, train her in the bare minimum of etiquette so that she could pass herself off as me while I retired for my confinement. No one would ever have to know that I was with child. No one perhaps, except for Azusa and Tomoe and the woman herself... I shake with anger as I pen this. I am assailed by a fury so savage that it threatens to burn me alive from within. White hot rage seeps through my very bones and makes it difficult to see...
I called the entire staff into the banquet hall; told a story that I wanted to perform an audit. Of course, I was merely looking over the women to see if any were even the same build and height as I am. As I walked through the ranks of my serving staff, I noticed, peeking from the collar of one of the young girls who cleans the hearths, some sort of ... skin art. Outraged that one of my House would not only flout such a sacred taboo but seemingly flaunt it, I pushed her collar aside with the brush I carried for marking down names. My very blood ran cold in my veins when I saw the skin art for it was a curled golden carp... a carp... the signet of White Lake. It was not recently done for I could see where the ink seeped into her skin, the blue-green outline bleeding; a little blurry. The child (she could be little more) grabbed her collar, holding it close to her neck, sinking to the floor and touching her forehead to the matting. The very moment I opened my mouth to condemn her as a spy, she sobbed that she had been forced to bear the mark. I caught a ripple around the hall, in my periphery I could see one or two other women clutching their clothing in different places... The girl on the floor continued to cry and I ... could do nothing. Paralysed by the paranoid thoughts that threatened to overwhelm me, I simply gaped in silence until Azusa at my elbow murmured "My apologies, My Lady. We... had thought to spare you..." Spare me? Spare me what...? My thoughts were called to order.. "Spare me...?" I repeated her like one of those exotic birds one finds in the extreme North... Azusa cleared her throat "Spare you from the further ignominy of another slight by White Lake..." I was thankful, once again for the make-up I wore, that none of my staff would see the flush that coloured my cheeks.
"Which of you bears this mark...?" I choked out the words, unable to completely hide the emotion I felt; still feel... All but three of the female staff stepped forward, some of them raising hems, others sleeves, several pulled back their collars and one or two even pushing aside their gowns at the chest, all of them lowering their heads to hide cheeks flushed with what I took to be shame. I cannot articulate what I felt in that moment. I could not breathe and it was then that the shaking began. I managed to collect myself enough to announce that I would see each of them in my offices alone after the evening repast if they would line up... I shall have to apologise to each of them and attempt some sort of recompense. I cannot insult them with money but what else I can do I do not yet know. Once I was alone I said nothing to Azusa other than "Tell me."
Tell me she did and when she had finished informing me of the behaviour of White Lake's Guard, I simply screamed. I had nothing else. Tears I have cried too many, and they will not help me now. Some of the women had been branded at the whim of Lady Yuki, as she brands all of her staff, in obvious places so that they could not think of escape. Some had been punished by soldiers for refusing their attentions, marked in ... painful... personal places, yet others bore their brands as the result of some trifling misdemeanour which in Silent Thunder would merit the gentlest of reprimand...
Indeed as I write this, fury does not seem to come anywhere close to describing the extent of my feeling. How. Dare. They?! I allowed myself for the briefest of moments to wonder if Lord Kenta had been a party to this. If he had known what his mother and her staff had been doing. Tears came for a moment as I recalled his denials to me about my own imprisonment... had he been lying all that time...? I will not make this about myself... I must somehow make amends to the women on my staff... why they have even stayed, I cannot imagine. I can start by telling them all the truth. I owe them that. If I can regain their loyalty, perhaps my child will not be in so much danger. Perhaps...
posted by Lady Kaede @ 01:49
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