Year of the Boar, Twelfth Month, Day 18. Postscript.

I am exhausted... I decided that the only way to deal with Seira would be to simply go and speak to her. It did not take not to find out where she had gone once she left the library and as I hauled myself up the wooden stairs leading to the servants' quarters, I thought about what I might say to her. I was not even sure whether I was amused, angry or just confused about her attempts to remain unseen but when she made a clumsy attempt at showing me due deference, I felt my heart contract a little... A mere third of a stick separates her from her twin... A third of a stick made the difference between showing me due deference and simply greeting me as an equal... I felt sad for her; there is no doubt in my mind that Seira would have Ruled her House with fairness and pragmatism. She is far better suited to it than her arrogant, imbecile of a brother...

She looks well... Much healthier than she did when we were children; she would refuse to come out and play with the rest of us, preferring to stay in the library and study whenever our teachers ended a lesson. She was pale, sickly and overweight; she would obsess over scrolls for hours rather than spend time with those who would be her friends. It occurs to me now, that it was her overbearing brother she was trying to avoid... When we spent time at the Talks, it took a while for the rest of us to understand statecraft to any degree but Seira always knew the answers when our tutors questioned us. I remember once at Crying Orchid when the Talks had gone on for sticks on end, our aged tutor had refused to excuse us despite the hour, and he became so frustrated when only Seira participated that he sent her away in an attempt to force the rest of us to answer his questions about what we had observed... I also remember her mother berating her endlessly in public over some trifle which had actually been perpetrated by Taiji. My own mother told the Lady Pale Twilight that Taiji was at fault which resulted in Seira being dragged from the Hall by her hair and beaten for 'lying about her brother'... Whatever her motives for being here now, I suddenly did not care and wished only to make her comfortable and safe.

I brought her to my chamber so that we could talk properly but when she told me that the reason for the subterfuge was that she felt unsure if I could be trusted, I felt deeply hurt and asked her if the friendship we had in our early years had been built on sand... I was not expecting Seira to break down... In all the years I have known her, whatever caustic remarks or violence she had endured at the hands of her mother, I never even saw her eyes well. When she had been particularly hurt, one could detect the slightest trembling of her lower lip but she never cried... Not in front of anyone else, anyway... Yet here she was sobbing openly as if a dam had broken and could not be stilled. I wrapped her in my arms and held her close until she calmed herself enough to talk. 

I am only amazed that Seira has not run away from home long before now... I admire her for going to Yuika's aid; I was horrified to hear what Yuika has been through at Shigeru's hands... I had thought they were having an affair. I could never have conceived of what has really been going on... If I am honest with myself, I do not know that I would have believed it even had I known but now I see her spoiled, petulant behaviour as something else entirely and I feel guilty that I have been so wrapped up in my own troubles that I have been oblivious to the abuses which have been going on about the Kingdom...

Seira and I talked until dawn after which, I made a point of finding Haru and instructing her to see to Seira's needs. Haru is to treat Seira in the manner appropriate to a member of a Ruling family. I have told her to tend to Seira as if she were tending to me and, with a wry smile, I suggested that she start by doing something about Seira's disastrous attempt at cutting her own hair... 

Now I must rest for a while and then I must talk with Sasanuma about what I have learned...