Year of the Boar, Twelfth Month, Day 18. Postscript.

I am exhausted... I decided that the only way to deal with Seira would be to simply go and speak to her. It did not take not to find out where she had gone once she left the library and as I hauled myself up the wooden stairs leading to the servants' quarters, I thought about what I might say to her. I was not even sure whether I was amused, angry or just confused about her attempts to remain unseen but when she made a clumsy attempt at showing me due deference, I felt my heart contract a little... A mere third of a stick separates her from her twin... A third of a stick made the difference between showing me due deference and simply greeting me as an equal... I felt sad for her; there is no doubt in my mind that Seira would have Ruled her House with fairness and pragmatism. She is far better suited to it than her arrogant, imbecile of a brother...

She looks well... Much healthier than she did when we were children; she would refuse to come out and play with the rest of us, preferring to stay in the library and study whenever our teachers ended a lesson. She was pale, sickly and overweight; she would obsess over scrolls for hours rather than spend time with those who would be her friends. It occurs to me now, that it was her overbearing brother she was trying to avoid... When we spent time at the Talks, it took a while for the rest of us to understand statecraft to any degree but Seira always knew the answers when our tutors questioned us. I remember once at Crying Orchid when the Talks had gone on for sticks on end, our aged tutor had refused to excuse us despite the hour, and he became so frustrated when only Seira participated that he sent her away in an attempt to force the rest of us to answer his questions about what we had observed... I also remember her mother berating her endlessly in public over some trifle which had actually been perpetrated by Taiji. My own mother told the Lady Pale Twilight that Taiji was at fault which resulted in Seira being dragged from the Hall by her hair and beaten for 'lying about her brother'... Whatever her motives for being here now, I suddenly did not care and wished only to make her comfortable and safe.

I brought her to my chamber so that we could talk properly but when she told me that the reason for the subterfuge was that she felt unsure if I could be trusted, I felt deeply hurt and asked her if the friendship we had in our early years had been built on sand... I was not expecting Seira to break down... In all the years I have known her, whatever caustic remarks or violence she had endured at the hands of her mother, I never even saw her eyes well. When she had been particularly hurt, one could detect the slightest trembling of her lower lip but she never cried... Not in front of anyone else, anyway... Yet here she was sobbing openly as if a dam had broken and could not be stilled. I wrapped her in my arms and held her close until she calmed herself enough to talk. 

I am only amazed that Seira has not run away from home long before now... I admire her for going to Yuika's aid; I was horrified to hear what Yuika has been through at Shigeru's hands... I had thought they were having an affair. I could never have conceived of what has really been going on... If I am honest with myself, I do not know that I would have believed it even had I known but now I see her spoiled, petulant behaviour as something else entirely and I feel guilty that I have been so wrapped up in my own troubles that I have been oblivious to the abuses which have been going on about the Kingdom...

Seira and I talked until dawn after which, I made a point of finding Haru and instructing her to see to Seira's needs. Haru is to treat Seira in the manner appropriate to a member of a Ruling family. I have told her to tend to Seira as if she were tending to me and, with a wry smile, I suggested that she start by doing something about Seira's disastrous attempt at cutting her own hair... 

Now I must rest for a while and then I must talk with Sasanuma about what I have learned... 

Year of the Boar, Twelfth Month, Day 18.

Just as I had resigned myself to things being as complicated as they could be, Silent Thunder has had to welcome an expected guest...

As I was on my way to the Banquet Hall with my cousins, from the corner of my eye, I saw... something... a brief shadow... but when I turned to see what it was... it was gone... I could not shake the idea that I was being watched and later in the day when Sasanuma and I had time to share a few moments together, I mentioned the odd feeling. Sasanuma took pains to reassure me, pointing out that I was likely out of sorts due to the pressure I have been feeling of late. I tried to put it from my mind but after the evening meal, as I sat listening to one of the poets, Sasanuma sent a note requesting my presence at the library. Making my excuses, I moved as quickly as my heavy, formal clothing would allow and went to meet him. I did not think I could bear any more distressing news and by the time I reached him, my heart felt as though it fluttered in my throat and I was near faint from the anxiety I felt. As I rounded the corner, I could see Sasanuma standing as if on guard; his right hand on the hilt of his sword which was slightly unsheathed, ready to be drawn in an instant. 

I felt my stomach lurch and I looked at him wide- eyed, questioning him silently. He put his free hand on my upper arm to calm me and told me in a low voice that there was a servant about the House whom no one recognised. He gestured towards the library doors with his head. "She is in there... " he paused slightly and then murmurmed "She has the ... strangest ... of hair styles..." I do not believe I have ever seen him looking so perplexed; under other circumstances, it would have been amusing. Whispering back, I asked him what the interloper was doing and with that same, baffled look, he told me that she was ... reading... The feeling of dread dissipated somewhat; I hardly thought someone who would sneak into the library to read represented a great personal threat but one never knows... Keeping my voice low, I asked Sasanuma if there was a way to observe our visitor unnoticed.

For that, I was rewarded with a faintly self-satisfied smile; gesturing for me to follow him, he turned the corner from which I had come and walked several paces until he came to the edge of a wooden panel. He pressed it in several places and when it slid silently to the right revealing a cavity just large enough to walk in, my lips formed a silent O of surprise... Of course I had known about the existence of such secret walkways about the House, indeed there is one in my own chamber; they meet at a series of tunnels beneath the House which when followed to their ends, arrive at a selection of strategic assembly points away from the House. With the benefit of hindsight of course, I realise that they are completely useless if one does not have prior warning of an attack... they are utterly ineffective against modern ideas about warfare... I digress... I did not know about this particular walkway; I must find out from Sasanuma if there are others about the House which have eluded my notice...  

A short walk revealed another, smaller panel which Sasanuma deftly removed exposing a small hole from which I could see into the library. There, hunched over a scroll and surrounded by piles more, sat our visitor... I could not see her face but there was something about the fervour with which she appeared to devour the contents of the scroll... something about the concentration and the intent with which she read seemed so ... familiar but I could not place her. Just as I was about to return to my chambers and consider options, she looked up from her reading and as the soft glow of lantern light lit the plane of her cheekbone, I realised that I was spying on Seira Pale Twilight. It took me a fraction of a stick to realise it; she is considerably thinner and has decidedly more colour to her cheeks than when I saw her last and the gods alone know what has happened to her hair... She of all of us had the most beautiful thick, glossy hair which at one point reached almost to her knees and yet as I watched her begin to tidy those scrolls away, that hair looked as though she had let a farmer hack at it with a scythe... 

I pressed my hand to Sasanuma's to let him know that all was well and once she had finished replacing the scrolls and left the library, I let out a soft laugh of relief and pressed my forehead to his chest... "She is a friend..." I told him... "I am not surprised you did not recognise her but that... is Lady Seira of Pale Twilight...!" Sasanuma's response was predictable and smiling, I told him that I would deal with her... He replaced the panel with one hand and held me around the waist with his free arm, we stood there for a while and I will not say what else happened in that space but when we had finished, we followed the walkway until we emerged beneath the House hand in hand, giggling like school children.  It seems to me that there is more than enough room down there to create a space for us to talk when we need to be completely sure that no one could overhear; it would certainly be far easier than riding off to derelict temples. I will discuss this with Sasanuma when I have decided how to approach Seira...