Year of the Boar, Twelfth Month, Day 17. Postscript.

 Sasanuma appeared in my chambers after the midday meal; he believes that he has turned Rikku and that we will have his loyalty. I have not asked how he achieved this; cowardice again but I do not wish to see him in a light which would upset me. I wish to keep loving him... He has released Rikku to avoid arousing Rani's suspicions as she will no doubt be wondering why her spy has failed to furnish her with further information during her stay. Thank the gods she leaves in another two days; I do not believe I could stomach another sevenday of her duplicity. Rikku has been told exactly what he is permitted to say to her and it has been made clear that if her strays from his script, there will be consequences far worse than death. I have not asked Sasanuma what those would be, either... I do not care to know... In return for his life, Rikku will relay any information he comes by regarding Rani and her plans for chaos and indeed anything she ever tells him. I do not care to know with what Sasanuma has threatened him should he not comply...

Year of the Boar, Twelfth Month, Day 17.

 My eyes are once again swollen from tears that will not stop… I have tried so hard to stop allowing myself to dwell on what has passed and to think only of how satisfying my revenge will be when it comes but today…  I sought to take tea and thought it would be pleasant to sit in the tea house by the lake; alas, I was not the only one to have had such an idea and several of the Ladies of the House were out and about; some with their children…

It is a fair ride back to the House and although I did not want to stay where I could not enjoy my solitude, I was a little tired from the ride so I decided to stay for a short while and take some tea before I returned. A woman approached; as she drew closer, I could see that it was Kaeko, a very distant cousin I had not talked with in a long while; perhaps since her baby was born... She introduced me to the child who crawled onto my lap and grabbed at my hair ornament. Kaeko sought to extract my hair from the child’s hand and as she did, the little girl’s fingers closed around her own. It was as if I had been hit by some sort of force that I could not see. I felt the breath leave my body all at once and I let out such a deep, pained moan that others came scurrying over to see how they could help.

And I could do was weep… for in that moment, I lost my son all over again… In that innocent gesture, I felt my baby’s hand on mine and it was too much to bear. Of course, I felt obligated to try and explain my loss which despite the Kingdom’s propensity for gossip, does not appear to have become common knowledge and as much as I wished I could find solace in the arms that tried to comfort me, I could not…