Year of the Boar, Eighth Month, Day 2.

I went to my offices several days ago - it took me hours and hours to look through all of the paperwork I needed to read just in order to keep up with what has been happening in my absence, without actually doing anything at all... It will take many more hours, I am sure to even begin to achieve a sense of being Ruling Lady once again...
Re-joining the Court was painful; almost everyone gazing at me suspiciously, as if I were an impostor or worse, as if I were insane, worse yet, as though I were to be pitied. I entertained three of the Ladies of the Court, who had been my friends, late in the afternoon and after fifteen minutes of pointless chatter we lapsed into an uncomfortable silence; none of us knowing quite what to say to the others. I confided in Tomoe later this evening and I found myself so much more at ease in her company, no airs or graces or courtly convention to come between us... I feel disturbed by that... that women with whom I used to play cards and take tea and with whom I used to laugh and feel relaxed have now become an enemy of sorts... I no longer know them, I had nothing to say to them... and they... they were defensive, mono-syllabic, unresponsive. It was... difficult.
I shunned the Court dinner for the fifteenth day running. Tomoe tells me that I should go down and reassert my authority, at least re-establish my presence as Ruling Lady but I do not want a fuss. I prefer to work my way back into "society" slowly, gradually, comfortably. Then there is the fact that I am worried sick... Lord Kenta has still not returned and neither has he sent any message, word around the Court is that he heard tell of bandits at the North border and went to deal with them, but this makes no sense at all. Surely he would have been back by now, or at least sent a message...? I can only imagine that something has befallen him... I could not bear it if he were to be taken from me now... after everything that we have been through... why would the gods do this to us.... why...?

Year of the Boar, Seventh Month, Day 31.

So much has happened of late that I scarcely know what to impart first... I spent a long time in my quarters weeping, feeling uncertain about the directive from Lord Kenta... wondering if it was an astonishing forgery of his hand or whether he truly meant me to be free... And at last, a message reached me; his lordship wished to see me. I rushed to see him, not bothering to dress properly and, clad in the rough cotton in which I had been clad since my enslavement, I threw myself at his feet, sobbing. He drew me up with hands so gentle and so tender and he addressed me as "Lady"... I flushed but his lordship drew his fingertip along my jaw and bade me forgive him... I heard his voice crack as he spoke to me, as he asked me again to forgive him, and said that he gave me back my Title and my House. And I gazed back at him, tears still streaming down my face and I tried to thank him but nothing would come out of my mouth, I gaped at him like a carp, even as my knees wobbled and threatened to send me crashing back down to the floor.
Lord Kenta picked me up, and with his own hands he did bathe me and re-dress me in the finest silks I own... and after that he painted my face and put up my hair. All the while I sat inert, allowing him to work, stunned that he knew such arts when I have forgotten them... Of course it is usually considered more practical to do ones face and hair before one dresses but who was I, to argue with Lord Kenta...? And when he had finished, he knelt before me and bowed over his fingertips... "My Lady..." he murmured, "I would ask you to find it within yourself to forgive me for the terrible wrongs I have done you..." I wept again, nodding silently, and his lordship did offer me the gift of my choosing as an atonement... I tried to still my weeping but it only worsened, the only gift I wish of him, is his wedding band, and that... is the only gift for which I cannot ask... I asked instead for Tomoe. As my companion and not a slave. His lordship smiled and told me that I was ever the Lady and surely I should have the gift I desired and then... and then he rose... and taking my face in his hands, he did kiss me... at first softly, tenderly, his lips brushing mine lightly but then... then... his hands were about me, undoing the work he had just done and his mouth smeared my make-up and my body responded to his with a hunger so great I could hardly bear it... and right there, on the floor, Lord Kenta did make me his in an entirely different way... and as in that dream of so long ago, I clung to him weeping with joy at having him love me...
A few days later, I was preparing tea in anticipation of his lordship's return from the villages when the mage, Calendon, came in from the borders. I had been feeling unwell again and I was happy to see him, wishing to pass on the good news of my reinstatement. As we drank tea together and waited upon Lord Kenta, I felt the familiar tired dizziness wash over me, and though Calendon cast some sort of healing over me, it did keep returning until he imparted the theory that the water we were keeping in the tea room was poisoned... As Lord Kenta returned, Calendon spoke with him in depth, telling his lordship that he believed me to be in great danger and Lord Kenta's face grew thunderous as he listened... We dined privately, spurning the ritual of a court dinner and Calendon and Lord Kenta spoke at length, I grew tired and did not listen a great deal... Again I offered the mage our Hospitality but again he refused, preferring instead to return to the borders, and when he had departed, Lord Kenta, carried me to my chambers and asked my indulgence... I gave it and he claimed me once again... I fell asleep in his arms, happier than I have been for a long long while...
My joy however, was short-lived, for in the morning, Lord Kenta was gone again, he left me a scroll saying he had urgent business to attend and that I was not to worry but continue to run the House. But how can I not worry when I know not where he is...? When he has left me again...