Year of the Boar, Twelfth Month, Day 18. Postscript.

I am exhausted... I decided that the only way to deal with Seira would be to simply go and speak to her. It did not take not to find out where she had gone once she left the library and as I hauled myself up the wooden stairs leading to the servants' quarters, I thought about what I might say to her. I was not even sure whether I was amused, angry or just confused about her attempts to remain unseen but when she made a clumsy attempt at showing me due deference, I felt my heart contract a little... A mere third of a stick separates her from her twin... A third of a stick made the difference between showing me due deference and simply greeting me as an equal... I felt sad for her; there is no doubt in my mind that Seira would have Ruled her House with fairness and pragmatism. She is far better suited to it than her arrogant, imbecile of a brother...

She looks well... Much healthier than she did when we were children; she would refuse to come out and play with the rest of us, preferring to stay in the library and study whenever our teachers ended a lesson. She was pale, sickly and overweight; she would obsess over scrolls for hours rather than spend time with those who would be her friends. It occurs to me now, that it was her overbearing brother she was trying to avoid... When we spent time at the Talks, it took a while for the rest of us to understand statecraft to any degree but Seira always knew the answers when our tutors questioned us. I remember once at Crying Orchid when the Talks had gone on for sticks on end, our aged tutor had refused to excuse us despite the hour, and he became so frustrated when only Seira participated that he sent her away in an attempt to force the rest of us to answer his questions about what we had observed... I also remember her mother berating her endlessly in public over some trifle which had actually been perpetrated by Taiji. My own mother told the Lady Pale Twilight that Taiji was at fault which resulted in Seira being dragged from the Hall by her hair and beaten for 'lying about her brother'... Whatever her motives for being here now, I suddenly did not care and wished only to make her comfortable and safe.

I brought her to my chamber so that we could talk properly but when she told me that the reason for the subterfuge was that she felt unsure if I could be trusted, I felt deeply hurt and asked her if the friendship we had in our early years had been built on sand... I was not expecting Seira to break down... In all the years I have known her, whatever caustic remarks or violence she had endured at the hands of her mother, I never even saw her eyes well. When she had been particularly hurt, one could detect the slightest trembling of her lower lip but she never cried... Not in front of anyone else, anyway... Yet here she was sobbing openly as if a dam had broken and could not be stilled. I wrapped her in my arms and held her close until she calmed herself enough to talk. 

I am only amazed that Seira has not run away from home long before now... I admire her for going to Yuika's aid; I was horrified to hear what Yuika has been through at Shigeru's hands... I had thought they were having an affair. I could never have conceived of what has really been going on... If I am honest with myself, I do not know that I would have believed it even had I known but now I see her spoiled, petulant behaviour as something else entirely and I feel guilty that I have been so wrapped up in my own troubles that I have been oblivious to the abuses which have been going on about the Kingdom...

Seira and I talked until dawn after which, I made a point of finding Haru and instructing her to see to Seira's needs. Haru is to treat Seira in the manner appropriate to a member of a Ruling family. I have told her to tend to Seira as if she were tending to me and, with a wry smile, I suggested that she start by doing something about Seira's disastrous attempt at cutting her own hair... 

Now I must rest for a while and then I must talk with Sasanuma about what I have learned... 

Year of the Boar, Twelfth Month, Day 18.

Just as I had resigned myself to things being as complicated as they could be, Silent Thunder has had to welcome an expected guest...

As I was on my way to the Banquet Hall with my cousins, from the corner of my eye, I saw... something... a brief shadow... but when I turned to see what it was... it was gone... I could not shake the idea that I was being watched and later in the day when Sasanuma and I had time to share a few moments together, I mentioned the odd feeling. Sasanuma took pains to reassure me, pointing out that I was likely out of sorts due to the pressure I have been feeling of late. I tried to put it from my mind but after the evening meal, as I sat listening to one of the poets, Sasanuma sent a note requesting my presence at the library. Making my excuses, I moved as quickly as my heavy, formal clothing would allow and went to meet him. I did not think I could bear any more distressing news and by the time I reached him, my heart felt as though it fluttered in my throat and I was near faint from the anxiety I felt. As I rounded the corner, I could see Sasanuma standing as if on guard; his right hand on the hilt of his sword which was slightly unsheathed, ready to be drawn in an instant. 

I felt my stomach lurch and I looked at him wide- eyed, questioning him silently. He put his free hand on my upper arm to calm me and told me in a low voice that there was a servant about the House whom no one recognised. He gestured towards the library doors with his head. "She is in there... " he paused slightly and then murmurmed "She has the ... strangest ... of hair styles..." I do not believe I have ever seen him looking so perplexed; under other circumstances, it would have been amusing. Whispering back, I asked him what the interloper was doing and with that same, baffled look, he told me that she was ... reading... The feeling of dread dissipated somewhat; I hardly thought someone who would sneak into the library to read represented a great personal threat but one never knows... Keeping my voice low, I asked Sasanuma if there was a way to observe our visitor unnoticed.

For that, I was rewarded with a faintly self-satisfied smile; gesturing for me to follow him, he turned the corner from which I had come and walked several paces until he came to the edge of a wooden panel. He pressed it in several places and when it slid silently to the right revealing a cavity just large enough to walk in, my lips formed a silent O of surprise... Of course I had known about the existence of such secret walkways about the House, indeed there is one in my own chamber; they meet at a series of tunnels beneath the House which when followed to their ends, arrive at a selection of strategic assembly points away from the House. With the benefit of hindsight of course, I realise that they are completely useless if one does not have prior warning of an attack... they are utterly ineffective against modern ideas about warfare... I digress... I did not know about this particular walkway; I must find out from Sasanuma if there are others about the House which have eluded my notice...  

A short walk revealed another, smaller panel which Sasanuma deftly removed exposing a small hole from which I could see into the library. There, hunched over a scroll and surrounded by piles more, sat our visitor... I could not see her face but there was something about the fervour with which she appeared to devour the contents of the scroll... something about the concentration and the intent with which she read seemed so ... familiar but I could not place her. Just as I was about to return to my chambers and consider options, she looked up from her reading and as the soft glow of lantern light lit the plane of her cheekbone, I realised that I was spying on Seira Pale Twilight. It took me a fraction of a stick to realise it; she is considerably thinner and has decidedly more colour to her cheeks than when I saw her last and the gods alone know what has happened to her hair... She of all of us had the most beautiful thick, glossy hair which at one point reached almost to her knees and yet as I watched her begin to tidy those scrolls away, that hair looked as though she had let a farmer hack at it with a scythe... 

I pressed my hand to Sasanuma's to let him know that all was well and once she had finished replacing the scrolls and left the library, I let out a soft laugh of relief and pressed my forehead to his chest... "She is a friend..." I told him... "I am not surprised you did not recognise her but that... is Lady Seira of Pale Twilight...!" Sasanuma's response was predictable and smiling, I told him that I would deal with her... He replaced the panel with one hand and held me around the waist with his free arm, we stood there for a while and I will not say what else happened in that space but when we had finished, we followed the walkway until we emerged beneath the House hand in hand, giggling like school children.  It seems to me that there is more than enough room down there to create a space for us to talk when we need to be completely sure that no one could overhear; it would certainly be far easier than riding off to derelict temples. I will discuss this with Sasanuma when I have decided how to approach Seira...

 

Year of the Boar, Twelfth Month, Day 17. Postscript.

 Sasanuma appeared in my chambers after the midday meal; he believes that he has turned Rikku and that we will have his loyalty. I have not asked how he achieved this; cowardice again but I do not wish to see him in a light which would upset me. I wish to keep loving him... He has released Rikku to avoid arousing Rani's suspicions as she will no doubt be wondering why her spy has failed to furnish her with further information during her stay. Thank the gods she leaves in another two days; I do not believe I could stomach another sevenday of her duplicity. Rikku has been told exactly what he is permitted to say to her and it has been made clear that if her strays from his script, there will be consequences far worse than death. I have not asked Sasanuma what those would be, either... I do not care to know... In return for his life, Rikku will relay any information he comes by regarding Rani and her plans for chaos and indeed anything she ever tells him. I do not care to know with what Sasanuma has threatened him should he not comply...

Year of the Boar, Twelfth Month, Day 17.

 My eyes are once again swollen from tears that will not stop… I have tried so hard to stop allowing myself to dwell on what has passed and to think only of how satisfying my revenge will be when it comes but today…  I sought to take tea and thought it would be pleasant to sit in the tea house by the lake; alas, I was not the only one to have had such an idea and several of the Ladies of the House were out and about; some with their children…

It is a fair ride back to the House and although I did not want to stay where I could not enjoy my solitude, I was a little tired from the ride so I decided to stay for a short while and take some tea before I returned. A woman approached; as she drew closer, I could see that it was Kaeko, a very distant cousin I had not talked with in a long while; perhaps since her baby was born... She introduced me to the child who crawled onto my lap and grabbed at my hair ornament. Kaeko sought to extract my hair from the child’s hand and as she did, the little girl’s fingers closed around her own. It was as if I had been hit by some sort of force that I could not see. I felt the breath leave my body all at once and I let out such a deep, pained moan that others came scurrying over to see how they could help.

And I could do was weep… for in that moment, I lost my son all over again… In that innocent gesture, I felt my baby’s hand on mine and it was too much to bear. Of course, I felt obligated to try and explain my loss which despite the Kingdom’s propensity for gossip, does not appear to have become common knowledge and as much as I wished I could find solace in the arms that tried to comfort me, I could not…

Year of the Boar, Twelfth Month, Day 16. Postscript,

 It has been an exhausting day... I slept fitfully for a few sticks before dragging myself to the bath house only to find Rani in it. I hardly managed to restrain myself from rolling my eyes but somehow I forced a smile and a polite greeting as I eased my tired body into the water. I closed my eyes, hoping Rani would take the hint and either leave the bath or at least do me the courtesy of bathing quietly and allowing me to relax but of course, she did not... I endured about a stick of what appeared to be superficial conversation but I could not shake the feeling that she was probing me for some sort of information... She expressed the desire to take a turn around the garden before taking some tea which as her host, I could hardly deny so I agreed that I would meet her for a walk after I had taken care of some House business. 

Rani heaved herself out of the water and waddled off to dress and I allowed myself the luxury of remaining in the water awhile and reflected on what has happened over the past few days. I am not certain where our future lies... do I see myself wed to Sasanuma...? I do not know... I do not think so... I suppose I should talk to him about what he wants for himself... for us... We have talked much about our feelings for each other and the ... physical... side of things but not about the future...practical things... he likes living in his cottage away from the House... it keeps him objective, he says... should I ask him to move up to the House... ? I can scarcely go and live with him... is it even wise for us to be open about our relationship...? So many things to consider but for now... that must wait because I have more pressing matters to think on...

I decided not to take an entourage with me to meet Rani, limiting my company to three maids, as I had concluded that it was high time I had a frank talk with her. Sasanuma would not have approved if I had mentioned it before hand but he may well be interested when I impart what I have surmised... Once we had settled in the tea house, I simply asked her outright what the tour of the Kingdom is all about. To my surprise, she looked faintly impressed, as if I had been clever enough to catch her out... Indeed her visit had nothing to do with Diplomatic relations and everything to do with finding out which Houses she could consider as allies should she ever need to. Obviously she is lying... that is an answer which makes even less sense than a Diplomatic tour... She told me that her parents intend to go to war with the Seventh and want to know if they can count on the Ninth to side with them... She must think that we in the Ninth know absolutely nothing about what goes on outside our borders... 

I feigned surprise and told her that I would consider any proposal very carefully which appeared to satisfy her but ... I must discuss this with Sasanuma and Azusa... evidently, Rani realises that she has been compromised and has come up with this rubbish to help her explain the presence of her spies should we also have discovered those. I am not certain whether she realises that we have Rikku or not but I suppose that it would be a clever enough lie if we were to reveal that we know about him... 

Year of the Boar, Twelfth Month, Day 16.

 Sasanuma escorted me to the mausoleum early yesterday morning before Rani rose and then we took horses out to a disused temple way beyond the House grounds and talked for hours about the situation. I had not seen him since we made our last plans and he had much to impart. Firstly, he told me that his agents are having some success in White Lake and that one of Shunya's Diplomats appears to have contracted some sort of malaise... I allowed myself the tiniest smile... this will be a long game but I will crush White Lake before they have even realised what is going on... Once enough of them are 'infected'... their House will be in chaos and I will trample it into the very ground as Shunya and Yuki watch and when I have destroyed their House... Well...

His second piece of news was not nearly as encouraging... Rikku broke the evening before and confessed that Rani's intentions are not as they seem. He believes that she is intent on bringing chaos and and destruction to the Kingdom as revenge for some sort of slight against the Sixth some decades ago. What that could have been, Rikku either does not know or could not say... How she intends to exact this revenge, he also does not know; Sasanuma is convinced that Rani is definitely not who she says she is, that perhaps rather than being a princess of the Sixth, she is some sort of trusted advisor or someone who may not even be working for the king and queen directly at all. I am not certain that he is correct... but it is certainly possible. We talked for a while about whether it would be wise to send a delegation to the Sixth and speak to Gulpinder and Aasha about their 'daughter'... it would certainly clear matters up but if it transpires that they are behind this, then we run the risk of losing our people...

'Our people'... I realise that I have come to think of Sasanuma and I as a team... 'We' instead of 'I'... Two rather than one... We talked for such a long time that the skies grew dark and we were forced to light some lanterns... he asked me if I wanted to return to the House but I could not bring myself to go back and eat dinner with while Rani simpered across from me... it would not do my cousins to keep her occupied for one evening and I can offer my apologies tomorrow... Azusa had been instructed to say that I was unwell if anyone were to ask thus freeing Sasanuma and I to formulate our plans in peace...

We did agree that whatever our actions were concerning Rani, we must send messengers to the other Houses immediately and warn them ... an emergency council must be convened although how that can be effected without alerting Rani, we do not know...we have discussed imprisoning her here but we cannot be sure that Rikku is her only spy; if he knows, he is not telling although Sasanuma intends to question him one final time... 

When we had exhausted the possibilities and reached no conclusion, we sat together in the candlelight for a while and without ceremony, without planning, I felt at peace and knew that the time was right... and on the temple floor, in the dimmest of lights, we made love... he was hesitant at first; unwilling to behave as if I were some sort of farm girl, he said, I deserved eiderdown and the softest of pillows... incense, flower petals and appropriate lighting... I adored him for that... but I thought it was the perfect place, quiet, uninhabited... no prying eyes or ears... no need for either of us to sneak back to our own chambers in order to avoid the House gossips... I did not need petals or music or incense... I only needed him... 

We lay together for several sticks before eventually deciding that whatever the hour and no matter how dangerous riding back to the House in the blackness of night would be, we must go and make certain that our messengers are on the road before dawn... It took longer than I would have liked but when we finally arrived back at the House, I penned notes to each of the other Houses, even White Lake, warning them of what we had discovered and suggesting that we convene an emergency council. I am not certain what their responses will be but at least I will have done everything I could have done... I cannot be sure whether any of my messengers have been compromised but I have no choice but to take the risk. I have not told them of the contents of the messages; only that a response is required urgently... and now... we wait...

Since I have not slept, I will retire for a short nap before I go and resume entertaining Rani and Sasanuma will go and question Rikku before he, too, retires for some well-earned rest...

Year of the Boar, Twelfth Month, Day 14.

 I am exhausted with the effort of playing the perfect host to Rani. The more time I spend in her presence, the more I dislike her; there is an arrogance about her masquerading as self-assurance... she says exactly the right thing at the right time as if she is reciting a well-rehearsed script... everything she says or does is calculated... a perfectly timed comment to show she is paying attention... What it tells me... is that she is extremely well-versed in the ways of my House... that she has been carefully primed about my interests ... and I want to know why. If Sasanuma fails to get answers from Rikku today, I may well be tempted to go against what I believe and take a turn at interrogating Rikku myself... I am becoming more and more convinced that Rani has brought danger to the Kingdom. What I do not know... is how none of the Houses she has visited thus far have noted anything out of the ordinary or whether she acts on behalf of her Kingdom or in her own interests...